So last night I was cruising the Internet looking for deals on diaper bags. I'm planning a shopping trip to our American neighbour in the next few weeks, to pick up some things that are SO much cheaper over "the line". I cruised the U.S Walmart and J.C Penny sites, and then I stumbled into e-bay and found this. Ever since, I have been ridiculously excited over the prospect of this cute little number. For me to be "excited" over a material thing in this pregnancy is a big step. The only thing I get "excited" over are good ultrasound reports. I feel like I'm letting down my guard a little. It is a weird feeling, it is almost...dare I say.. a "normal" pregnant lady feeling??
It isn't a frilly pink thing that hubby will be forced to carry around either. Those of you who know me well, know that I'm not into frills anyway. Her name will not be Abigail, not because we don't like that name, but we've had her name in our minds from the beginning. I guess if we go ahead and order this bag, we'd have to be REALLY sure of her name. I seriously doubt it will change though. Here is what I am "excited" about...
The other thought that crossed my mind is that it feels like a HUGE leap of faith to actually order it. To have something in the house, with her name on it, you know, just "in case" something happens (and I'm not referring to a possible name change). I know that if something were to happen, having her name on a diaper bag certainly will not make the situation any easier or harder. I am hesitant, and yet, I have the urge to get it. To allow myself this little victory over my anxiety, and apprehension over everything that is a significant baby purchase. Who knows, maybe it will open the door to other activities that I have been putting off... like sorting and washing clothes, and the rest of the shopping.
Sometimes we need that leap of faith after a difficult time to kickstart our positive thinking and get us back to something approaching normal. Go for it, I know Kheri would approve. <3 U
ReplyDeleteDo it! Take the leap!! As hard as it is to get or be excited, simply because we know that there is no guarantee, we have to allow ourselves some level of that normal excitement that the rest of the world knows so well. Without allowing that little bit of excitement, which leads to a little bit more of the dreaded bonding, you ultimately sell Martha short. It's hard. I know. I had silent second thoughts about everything I did and said out loud about getting ready for Jenna. But I did my best to not let them completely overshadow everything.
ReplyDeleteThe bag is super cute! And even more exciting to read about your possible leap of faith!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your rational mind saying it doesn't matter if you buy the bag or not if the worst were to happen. Having the bag won't cause something to happen, and it wouldn't make a loss any harder or easier... I *know* these kinds of things to be true, and for me, it's still scary. Recently I've been a bit freaked out that we painted the nursery, because now if something goes wrong, I'll have this pink room staring me the face. And then I also remember how exciting it was to finally paint the room, and imagine our little girl growing up in there...what a mix of emotions!
Hope you buy the bag. :) Much love!
I want another one, personalized for me too you know. "Auntie drinks because I cry" hehe
ReplyDeleteThis baby has cautious parents, just like Kheri did. You've been a worrier since you were, what 10?? It's not going to change with a baby, at all. You were JUST as cautious with the last pregnancy, even if you don't remember it. Remember Auntie's 13wk pressies???
Nicholas Murray Butler said that 'Optimism is the foundation of courage.' It doesn't take any kind of special person to always think the worst, but to hope for and expect the best, that takes a leap of faith and more trust than some are willing to give. You're more likely to regret what you didn't do, than what you did, so if you want the bag - buy it.
ReplyDeleteMy first reaction was that you should definitely buy the bag- and after reading all the other supportive comments, I'm sure of it. But I won't reiterate what's already been said. It makes me happy to hear your guard is going down ever so slightly. Of course I [can't completely empathize, but] understand it's hard, but you deserve to be excited, and so does Martha.
ReplyDeleteI know you'll do what's best for you. :)