"...Have faith in your dreams and someday,

your rainbow will come smiling through.

No matter how your heart is grieving,

if you keep on believing,

the dream that you wish will come true..."

Saturday, January 29, 2011

*sigh* Let the anxiety begin!

I'm 30 weeks along today, and I think my anxiety is at an all time high. As long as baby keeps moving, I think I'll make it through without losing my sanity! The hardest part is not spending the day on the couch doing kick counts! Let me tell you why my anxiety is now so high..

We had our regular checkup appointments with both the OB and the specialist on Thursday. The OB appointment went as expected. I've gained another 2 lbs in 2 weeks, blood pressure was great, and baby sounded very happy on the doppler. The doctor asked about the spotting, and said that she didn't see the need to check me and disturb anything. We talked about my last round of blood work. I have A- blood, and my DH has A+ blood, so this means I get to have a shot of Rhogam in the hip. I had the shot in the hip at 26 weeks when they did my glucose tolerance test. Apparently, the hospital gave me my Rhogam before doing an antibody screen, so of course, my antibodies came back positive. It is likely that they are positive due to the Rhogam circulating in my bloodstream, and not from any possible cross-contamination of baby's blood and my blood (if the baby has a + blood type, I would build up antibodies, and reject future pregnancies). They want to do another midstream urine culture at my next appointment to ensure that I don't have any UTIs developing. So all in all, that appointment went as expected.

In the afternoon, we went to the specialist for an ultrasound. First I will say, that the general outcome was good. The baby looks good, and is weighing in at approximately 3lbs 5ozs, and managed to put on close to a pound since our last appointment! She was making breathing movements, but we weren't able to get any decent ultrasound pictures because of the way she was positioned, and the fact that she's running out of room in there. While doing the ultrasound scan, the Doctor pushed on my tummy with the probe while measuring the blood vessel flow in the umbilical cord. When she did this, the baby's heart rate dropped... It dropped so low that my DH asked the Doctor if it was my heartbeat, and not the baby's. Then DH asked why, which was going to be the next question out of my mouth anyway. The Doctor said that it was likely a normal reaction from the baby to the pressure on the tummy. Well, then I started to worry. Maybe I shouldn't be pushing on her to wake her up?! Maybe I shouldn't be pushing those arms and feet back into place when I find them in my ribs, or approaching my bladder!? The questions started, and the doctor said that when we were done with the ultrasound, she would take us over to Labour and Delivery and hook us up to the monitors for a Non-Stress test (NST). She said that we would also start weekly biophysical profiles starting next week. Then she explained that the amniotic fluid levels were on the "low side of normal". I guess, that the fluid levels should measure over 2cm, and she found two pockets of fluid. One pocket measured 2.71 and the other 3.14. She said that the low fluid measurements were likely because of the way the baby is positioned. She seems to be floating at the top of the fluid, with the pockets of fluid underneath of her. The Doctor wasn't able to get pictures or measurements of these pockets because of her positioning. As she was explaining this to us, she found a large pocket of fluid, and when she tried to measure it...the baby moved into the pocket of fluid! We all had a little giggle about it (I think my "giggle" was more of a nervous giggle than anything else). She said that as a precaution, we would do the biophysicals and keep an eye on it.

We also discussed the possibility of an amniocentesis at 36 weeks to check for CF and lung development for an early delivery. She said that if I wanted the amnio done, she would do it. I mentioned to her that the OB said that I should be administered steriods for the baby's lung development before the amnio, just in case the amnio puts me into labour and/or breaks my water. The specialist said that she didn't think that would be necessary. She said that the risk of complications with an amnio at 36 weeks is really very low (1%), and if it did put me into labour, the steroids could be administered during my labour if they thought that lung development would be an issue. She said that we would discuss the amnio again at 34 weeks. She mentioned that she would be comfortable inducing me without an amnio at 38 weeks, given my previous loss. The OB said that she wanted to wait until 38 weeks + 5 days. I am really hoping for the induction at 38 weeks, those extra 5 days will seem like an eternity! The specialist said that ultimately they would listen to me, and what my concerns or wishes are when it comes to the amnio and an induction. Part of me doesn't want to have the amnio just for the simple reason that it HURTS!.. We'll see when the time comes.

So we went over to Labour and Delivery to hook me up to the monitors. What a surreal experience that was! I haven't been in there since we had Kherrington. We actually had to walk right by the room where Kheri was born at one point. They ended up doing the NST in the antenatal clinic, which is in a room in the front corner of L& D, because there were no beds available. I had to use the washroom before I laid down on the bed, and the bathroom she took me to was the "tub room" where DH and I had a whirlpool bath the night before Kheri was born. It was all just so surreal. The NST went fine, but I had to stop watching the heart rate numbers because they just made me worry. I think the nurse to could sense the tension and she made conversation with me for a while.

So to sum it up, I left the specialist appointment at the hospital about 45 minutes later than I expected, and somewhat of a nervous wreck. Now I am tracking my kick counts, just in case I need to show them how movements have slowed. I know her movements will "naturally" slow down over the next few weeks because she will run out of room. But that fact will not bring me any comfort. I think it might be a long 8 weeks...

Friday, January 21, 2011

Could it be?? What is this feeling?

So last night I was cruising the Internet looking for deals on diaper bags. I'm planning a shopping trip to our American neighbour in the next few weeks, to pick up some things that are SO much cheaper over "the line". I cruised the U.S Walmart and J.C Penny sites, and then I stumbled into e-bay and found this. Ever since, I have been ridiculously excited over the prospect of this cute little number. For me to be "excited" over a material thing in this pregnancy is a big step. The only thing I get "excited" over are good ultrasound reports. I feel like I'm letting down my guard a little. It is a weird feeling, it is almost...dare I say.. a "normal" pregnant lady feeling??

It isn't a frilly pink thing that hubby will be forced to carry around either. Those of you who know me well, know that I'm not into frills anyway. Her name will not be Abigail, not because we don't like that name, but we've had her name in our minds from the beginning. I guess if we go ahead and order this bag, we'd have to be REALLY sure of her name. I seriously doubt it will change though. Here is what I am "excited" about...

The other thought that crossed my mind is that it feels like a HUGE leap of faith to actually order it. To have something in the house, with her name on it, you know, just "in case" something happens (and I'm not referring to a possible name change). I know that if something were to happen, having her name on a diaper bag certainly will not make the situation any easier or harder. I am hesitant, and yet, I have the urge to get it. To allow myself this little victory over my anxiety, and apprehension over everything that is a significant baby purchase. Who knows, maybe it will open the door to other activities that I have been putting off... like sorting and washing clothes, and the rest of the shopping.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

27 weeks + 5 days.. Ultrasound and OB appointment

Once again, my post is a little late coming. The day of my appointment was a VERY early morning, and it turned into quite the day, so I didn't get a post written because I was so tired when I got home. As for yesterday, I was just too busy!

So on Thursday (January 13) we had an appointment with the Specialist...at 8 am!! Which meant I got to wake up at 5:20 am to get myself showered, dressed, fed, and out the door by 6:20. It had snowed the night before, and the road conditions worsened as we got closer to Fredericton, which is a 1 hour drive away. We managed to get there 10 minutes late, but the doctor wasn't in yet. The ultrasound went well. Our little girl looks good, the bowels are still dark, and she was very busy in there. We even watched her make breathing movements! She is estimated to weigh 2lbs 6 ozs which is actually 2 days behind, but that is certainly not a concern.
We only got two pictures of her, and the Specialist didn't attempt a 3D picture. I think it was because of a combination of time remaining in the appointment after the "business" part was done, and the fact that it seemed that our girl had her hands in front of her face! This is the best picture that was taken. The other one was quite fuzzy, because she was just so busy!

After the appointment with the specialist, we had the OB appointment at 11am. We decided to go over early. I had to pee anyway, and I figured that I'd just give my urine sample and wait. I went to the bathroom, gave my sample, wiped... and there it was.. BLOOD. I collected myself, and as soon as I left the bathroom I went straight to a nurse and told her what just happened, and that I wanted to be seen right away. They sat me down in the chair, took my blood pressure, which was 150/80. The nurse patted me on the arm and said, "Your blood pressure is a little high, but given what just happened, I would say it is due to stress. Just take a breath, you're in the best place you could be in for this to happen. We'll get you right in to see the doctor". She was just so sweet! They weighed me, then put me right in an exam room. The doctor wanted to take a peek, so, for the 5th time in this pregnancy, my feet were in the stirrups. The doctor that I was seeing that day was the same Doctor that delivered Kherrington, so that added just a little anxiety. He was very nice, but didn't say much. Asked me the usual "pregnancy bleeding questions", and took a peek. He said he could see exactly where the blood had come from, and said that it wasn't bleeding anymore. He said it was came from the outside of the cervix, and not from the uterus. He said that the baby was fine and he wasn't concerned about the bleeding ...THANK GOODNESS! It sounds like that cervix of mine is still "friable". *sigh* I was hoping, where I hadn't had any significant bleeding episodes in nearly 10 weeks, that maybe...just maybe.. this nonsense was over. But I guess it continues. As long as the baby is fine, I think I can deal with it. My good friend," A " came with me, and she was such a good woman! Held my purse, and my coat, carried the forms, etc. My DH wasn't able to come because he was working, and my "sista" wasn't able to come because she was working too.

After the OB appointment, I refused to leave the city for at least a few hours. In the event the bleeding started again, I wanted to be near the OB's office and the "good" hospital. The bleeding didn't continue, and I've only had 2 little "spots" of residual bleeding. I was very proud of myself when it came to holding myself together after seeing the blood. My BP skyrocketed, but I managed to keep myself composed. Then, after I got home, and later that evening, my hubby came home and I lost it. :S He took my BP just to make sure it was down, and it was right back down to 118/68.

I want to enjoy this pregnancy, because it seems to be slipping by so quickly. But, when I have bleeding episodes like the one I had on Thursday, I just want to fast forward about 10 weeks to see how it all turns out. I am 28 weeks along today, and I am now "officially" starting my third trimester. I am eager to get her here, but I also know she needs more time to cook in there. At least I know that at 38 weeks + 5 days the OB has agreed to induce me, so that is March 31st. Who knows, maybe we'll have an April fools baby. I would certainly be OK if she came a little before that too. Either way, all I want is her here, alive and screaming, puking, pooping, and Lord willing, healthy. Here's to the next 10 weeks!