"...Have faith in your dreams and someday,

your rainbow will come smiling through.

No matter how your heart is grieving,

if you keep on believing,

the dream that you wish will come true..."

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Catching up...

I realize this is my second post in the same day, but I need to catch up!

On Monday, I attended an all day staff meeting for work. It ran from 9-5 and when I left at 5pm they were still talking. I had an appointment that I needed to go to, and at that point I figured the issues would be ironed out by those who will be working there over the next year. I have received a few e-mails since asking for my input on a few issues, and I appreciate this. I like the fact that I'm still considered part of the team, and my opinion matters, even though the changes won't affect me until 2012 (hopefully!!!).
At about 3pm-ish that day, I noticed my back was starting to hurt. I blamed it on the crappy office chairs. When I got up to leave, I noticed my stomach was just sore and achy. I figured that it was just from fatigue. I finally got home after 6pm, and at around 7pm my DH and I decided to go have some dinner. My stomach was getting increasingly sore, so I thought "we'll go have something to eat..and come right home". On the way to the restaurant, I started having painful spasms that started at my hips and wrapped right around the front of my uterus. They were enough to take my breath away! When we arrived at the restaurant and I stood up, it seemed to feel better, but I was still uncomfortable during dinner. When we were finished eating, my DH said "which hospital are we going to?" We have a local hospital (Waterville; 10-15 minutes away) and we have access to the hospital in Fredericton as well (1hour away). My specialist is in the Fredericton hospital, and my OB is in Fredericton as well. The local hospital doesn't actually have an OB, they just have family doctors who have an interest in obstetrics who staff the Labour and Delivery area. When I got in the car, the spasms started again, and we decided that we would probably receive more reassurance from Fredericton, so we started driving. I had two more spasms during the drive down.

When I arrived, I went up to L&D where they settled us into a room. Not just any room...the EXACT same room that I delivered Kherrington in. We asked the nurse, (who was the same nurse who was working the night I went into labour!), if we could have another room, and she said that they were all full. My thoughts were "Ok, well, we've got to deal with it at some point". It was difficult to walk into the room, but it was set up differently than when I was in there, so that made it seem different. To top it off, the nurse who was there when Kherrington was born, was also on the desk at the nurse's station. The only thing that was different was the doctor. It was a bit surreal, but it was OK too. When I got pregnant with "Bump" I said that I really hoped that we wouldn't have to see the same doctor (who delivered Kheri), wouldn't have to be in the same delivery room, and just would have a different experience. We're having a different experience...but "Bump" is making us deal with some of her big sister's ghosts before her own big day. I've seen the OB who delivered Kheri twice now, I've been in the bathroom where I spent an hour in the tub the evening before I went into labour, and I've been in the same delivery room, and seen some of the nurses.

They had me change, give a urine sample to check for a bladder infection, and then strapped me into the fetal heart monitor, and did a round of vitals. My BP was 128/74 which is a little high for me, but they certainly weren't concerned about it, and I know it was likely due to anxiety levels. The nurse talked to us, and I described my pain to her. She said that the baby looked good on the monitor, but left us hooked up to it for a while, and went and talked with the doctor. A resident came in, and chatted with us, she poked and pushed on the sides of my stomach and asked me if it was tender...which it was. She said that what I was experiencing was round ligament pain, and that it was normal, and is usually significantly worse in second pregnancies than in first pregnancies. The doctor came in shortly after and told us the same thing. We talked them into looking at her with an ultrasound for extra reassurance. We know that the ultrasound in L&D isn't a "diagnostic" tool by any means, but they did a quick biophysical profile, which she passed in the first 2 minutes!

So, "bump" is fine... I'm a mess. Anxiety has jumped a little, and I'm glad she's an active baby! The worst part is in the back of my mind, I know she's fine..but then I quickly remember that I had the same thoughts with Kherrington and she wasn't fine. I think of all the things that could be wrong. I asked my DH "Do you wonder if we would be better off not knowing too much? Not knowing all the things that could go wrong? To be blissfully ignorant? To expect that everything is alright?". It is hard to say... knowing too much can be a good thing because we might catch something that would normally be overlooked. But on the other hand... I'm convinced I'm going crazy. Only 4 weeks and 3 days to go..thank goodness I have that to focus on!

An appointment update!

WOW! I am almost a week behind in my posts!

Last Thursday we had an ultrasound with the specialist and a Biophysical profile. The little lady scored a 10 on her BPP and the ultrasound went well. Her bowels still look good, and she weighed approximately 4lbs 7ozs! If my memory is correct, her big sister was estimated to weigh over 5lbs at this point. So she's measuring a little bit smaller, but still right where she should be on the growth charts.

The specialist talked about an amnio again, and this time she was almost encouraging it. I realize that amnios are her job, to rule out the risks and get answers. But I am still wavering on it. Part of me wants to get one, just so that I know if her lungs are ready, and if I get overly anxious, then I know that early delivery is an option. On the other hand, it does carry a risk. The risk is small (1% for complications) , but it is still there. I mentioned these risks to the specialist, and I told her that my biggest fear was that it would break my water, then we could have a baby with CF and premature lungs. (For a baby with CF, their lungs are the best they will ever be at birth). The specialist responded with "I don't think she has CF. Now that is NOT a diagnosis by any means, it is just speculation. I don't think she has it". This brings some relief, but we're still preparing as though she will have CF. She said we can discuss it again at the next appointment, and she said I can arrive at my 36 week appointment, and decide right then that I want it done. I think it will depend on "the day", her movements and my anxiety levels. I just want her here... alive, and hopefully healthy.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Biophysical #2!

I am so happy to say that our girl scored another 10/10 on her biophysical on Friday! I asked the nurse if she could take a peek at the baby's bowels and if she could see anything abnormal. She looked, and said that she couldn't detect anything out of the ordinary. At one point, there was a beautiful profile shot of her, then she turned towards us, making a picture impossible. In true Diva fashion, she won't let us see her face, but she'll show off her junk every chance she gets! I am sure this one will be in the front row at her preschool pageants with her dress up over her head...something I am sure her big sister would have done too!

Over the past two weeks or so, I have noticed that her movements have changed from the former vigorous punches and kicks, to these stretches and rolls. In the back of my mind, I know that this is normal, but it seemed a little early (compared to her big sister). I saw the Obsetrician on Friday as well and asked him about it, he said "Movement is what we're concerned about. We're looking for quantity, not quality, at this stage". That helped to reassure me... a little. I am eager for our ultrasound with the Specialist on this coming Thursday. It will be 3 weeks since our last ultrasound, and that is too long for my liking.

I am still undecided about having an amnio done. With my building anxiety levels, the idea of testing her lung development (if she's big enough to be delivered) at 36 weeks, and possibly having her here a little earlier than the promised 38 weeks, seems REALLY appealing. On the other hand, I really don't want to go through the same induction process as I did last time. I would like to start to dialate on my own, without the help of gels or tablets.

The next two weeks are quickly filling up for me. There are appointments, a staff meeting for work, possible shopping trips, and the LARGE pile of laundry building up in the nursery that needs to be done before her arrival. Here's hoping the second half of February goes as quickly as the first half did!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Biophysical #1

We had our first biophysical profile yesterday, and the little Diva scored 10/10. She was really active during the Non-Stress test, and we lost her heartbeat once. The nurse figures it was because she was thrashing around so much in there, and was kicking the cord, and moved away. She came right back when the sensor was adjusted. We saw her practicing her breathing during the ultrasound, and cord flow looks good. So that is the first one down... 7 more to go (at most).